Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Collector's Editions: which ones to snog/marry/kill in the run up to Christmas

We are about to enter the annual GLUT of games, with big releases almost every week from now until Christmas, and in order to maximise the cash they get from our tiny (but manly) purses many games also come in a variety of flashy and expensive flavours. So which ones should you look to pick up and which ones should you avoid like the plague?

I'll run you through the games, the editions, and which ones are worth your time. SPOILER: It's not many of them.

Disney Infinity 3.0 – Special Edition (PS3 & PS4 only) – £94.00/£99.00
Including a bunch of extra characters from the original trilogy (namely Luke, Leia and Boba Fett) plus a bunch of other gubbins such as some playsets for the game, this one seems vastly overpriced as it is adding almost the cost of the game itself on top of the vanilla starter pack. The fact that the 2.0 Special Edition set which included much more than this one, can now be had for less than half what it was going for initially means you’d be better off waiting for a price drop.
Verdict: DON'T BUY. Wait for a price drop or get the starter set.

Gears of War Ultimate Edition + All Gears titles – Xbox One - £24.00
Less of a special edition and more of a decent offer, but if you purchase the game for a “limited time” around launch (quite how long that time will be has not been said) then you can also get Gears 1-3 plus Judgment as backwards compatible titles for the Xbox One too. Obviously you’d need space to download them, but as you can pick up Gears Ultimate for about £23 in some places this is a pretty great deal for four whole games, and Gears 1 for 360 so you can stack achievements.
Verdict: BUY. Not a limited edition per se, but the fact you get four free games if you pick it up close to launch is a steal, especially at £23.

Onechanabra Z2 Chaos + Artbook – PS4 – £31.00

Only available through the NISA store this is the latest game with an artbook, though it costs a couple of pounds more and the game series hardly has a reputation for quality. So maybe hold off on this one unless you simply have money to burn.
Verdict: DON'T BUY. One for hardcore fans only as the game is terrible.

One Piece Pirate Warriors 3 Doflamingo Edition – PS3/PS4 - £57.00

It’s the rather obscure game (unless you’re a fan of the show) along with a fairly nice statue to boot. Only for fans really but the price is not too bad, but there are still statue editions of the previous games bouncing around at hefty discounts. So if you can wait, then that is your best option really.
Verdict: DON'T BUY. For fans only, and very likely to drop in price after a month or two.

Until Dawn Steelbook Edition – PS4 – £49.99
It’s literally the game in a nice steelbook case, and it costs about £10 more than you can just buy the game anywhere else. Not really worth the money as GAME tend to overstock their limited editions (with very few exceptions) so expect to be able to pick this up much cheaper down the line. (EDIT: You can also get this for £44.95 at Gameseek.co.uk - but it's still not worth it).
Verdict: DON'T BUY. Grossly overpriced for just a steelbook.

Mad Max: Ripper Special Edition – PS4/Xbox One - £44.99

You get a steelbook that looks pretty nice, some DLC to upgrade your car and a unique numbered poster. On the flipside this costs you about £7-8 more than you can just get the vanilla game at other stores (maybe more) so again it is only worth it if you’re a steelbook collector as this will probably get reduced in the lead up to Xmas once a glut of other games come out. Which is exactly what happened with the Mordor steelbook last year.
Verdict: DON'T BUY. Not a bad deal, but the extras aren't great enough to justify the added cost.

Metal Gear Solid: The Phantom Pain Collectors Edition – PS4/Xbox One - £99.99
Paying one hundred pounds for a game is serious money, and this set includes a bunch of extras that fans may well enjoy. It has a 24cm replica of Snake’s bionic arm, which may go down as one of the weirdest add-ons in history, it looks nice enough but is likely just going to gather dust. You also get a steelbook, making of blu-ray, some DLC and a printed game map. This set is pretty much sold out so you may be out of luck – though you can snag the Day One edition for like £50 less, and it comes with most of the DLC.
Verdict: BUY. A quirky set for a cult game, and will likely hold its value. Already sold out though, so keep an eye out for cancellations.

Danganronpa Ultra Despair Girls Limited Editon – PS Vita - £59.99
Another set limited to the NISA online store, and these do tend to sell out over time so bear that in mind. Still the series is a fairly niche one and the set comes with an artbook, soundtrack, collectors pin and, bizarrely, tie and tie clip plus an eyepatch. So if you want to dress up as a tie wearing and eyepatch swaggering bear from the box – now you can. These sets do have a bit of a cult following, but the game may not have much resale value beyond that.
Verdict: BUY. Not a bad price for what you get and these games tend to hold their value amongst similar collectors, but only purchase if you're a fan.

Super Mario Maker + Amiibo + Pin Badge Set – Wii U - £46.99
There are two versions of this game, one with just the game and artbook and the other with that plus an Amiibo. Pre-order from GAME though and you also get a 30th Anniversary Pin Badge set for no extra cost. Nintendo game tend to be highly collectible and limited editions often sell out, so this might be a solid purchase. However, you can get the vanilla set (with Amiibo) for just under £30 elsewhere – so it’s up to you whether the Amiibo and pins are worth an extra £16. You can also order this through the Nintendo store for a bit more, but you get an exclusive t-shirt rather than the pin set.
Verdict: BUY. The pin set is probably worth the extra couple of £ (over buying this at other sites) and Nintendo games notoriously hold their value down the years.

Destiny: The Taken King – Xbox One/PS4 - £79.99
So you get the full Destiny game and all the expansions, plus a steelbook, a copy of Treasure Island holding a Strange Coin (what?!), some pictures, patches and lithographs and a host of the DLC (mainly skins and the like). However, if you already bought Destiny last year, and maybe the Collectors Edition as well, then this seems like a massive waste of money as you are essentially rebuying content you already own plus a few physical items.  For newcomers this set is ideal, for everyone else they should just buy the Taken King add on for half the price or wait for a decent price drop.
Verdict: BUY/DON'T BUY. Great set for anyone new to Destiny, completely pointless for anyone else.

Forza Motorsport 6 Limited Edition – Xbox One - £52.99
It’s a copy of the game with a limited t-shirt. That’s it. For an extra £13 more this is vastly overpriced as the clothes are never that great quality so you may as well just get the vanilla game unless you are desperate to hide your naked form and have no other clothing retailers to turn to.
Verdict: DON'T BUY. A rip off considering you just get a flimsy t-shirt.

Pro Evolution Soccer 2016 20th Anniversary Edition – PS4 - £54.99

This is a weird one. A 20th Anniversary Edition that is ONLY available for the PS4, which is a bizarre decision really. Mercifully it seems this set is a bit overpriced anyway. As you can get a Day One version of the game (with a bunch of handy DLC) for only £32.99 elsewhere (namely at Zavvi) so what are you getting for an extra £20+? Not a lot. You get a steelbook, plus 1,000 myClub coins, Neymar in your myClub team permanently and more GP currency to spend. So if you’re into myClub then this may help, but the extra cost means it is not worth it.
Verdict: DON'T BUY. Just get the Day One edition instead.

FIFA 16 Deluxe Edition + Steelbook + Ball – PS4/Xbox One - £67.99
FIFA comes in various flavours this year and at various price points. The only real difference is the DLC you get as the vanilla set comes with none, the next one comes with some Gold FUT packs and the highest tier comes with 40 Gold packs (spread over 20 weeks though), Lionel Messi for 5 games and some added DLC celebrations and kit. At GAME all preorders also get a steelbook and actuall ball, but you’re paying a few quid more on top for both. In truth paying £60+ for FIFA is ludicrous, as it will be out of date in a year. However, if you DO spend money on FUT then this could actually save you a few quid in the long run so bear that in mind.
Verdict: BUY/DON'T BUY. Only pick up the pricier versions if you'll play FUT for 20 weeks to get the content, as then you'll save money. Vanilla version if not.

Skylanders Superchargers Dark Edition - ALL - £79.99-£84.99
Don’t bother. Seriously, you can get the Supercharger Starter set on any system from Zavvi for £39.99 so why would you pay an extra £40+ just the same figures but in their dark variants, plus one extra character and the Kaos trophy. You wouldn’t.
Verdict: DON'T BUY. Vastly overpriced compared to the starter set and one for Skylanders diehard collectors only as the figures will be unique to this set.

NBA 2K16 Michael Jordan Edition – Xbox One/PS4 - £64.99
WOW, £30 more than the standard game. So what do you get? Not a lot really, you get an exclusive poster and wall decal (plus a hat if you pre-order at GAME) and a bunch of DLC in the form of Jordan branded gear, and currency and cards for the MyTeam mode. Oh, and you get the game a few days earlier than the standard edition for some reason. For the massive price hike it just isn’t worth it – simple as that.
Verdict: DON'T BUY. Even the greatest basketball player of all time can't make this seem like value for money.

Uncharted: The Nathan Drake Collection Special Edition – PS4 - £64.99

It goes from bad to worse. You can get the vanilla game for £25 (or more) less than this and the only difference is the fact you don’t get a steelbook, artbook and some stickers? Yeah, stick with the cheaper version as this is a rip off. (EDIT: You can also get this for £49.95 at Gameseek.co.uk - but it's still not worth it, though at least the price is realistic).
Verdict: DON'T BUY. A huge price hike for very little extra, no thanks.

Disgaea 4: Alliance of Vengeance – PS4 - £69.99

Already Sold Out via the NISA store, though they sometimes get some back in stock closer to launch due to returns and cancellations. Another cult series and a set that is likely to be fairly sought after – comes with an artbook, soundtrack, poster and two mini figures (including the much loved Prinny). So keep an eye out for this if you are a huge fan. Smaller fans can get the game with an artbook from Amazon for about £30 less, so the saving is worth it.
Verdict: BUY. Disgaea sets are very collectible and sell well second hand, so they are worth picking up but this one is already sold out.

Rainbow Six Siege Limited Edition – PS4/Xbox One - £49.99

Comes with a steelbook and some DLC, for a hefty £10+ more than the standard version of the game. No thanks. As this is Ubisoft there are also other editions too, including the Art of Siege version that comes in a slipcase with an artbook. There is also a Tactical Elite edition via the Ubisoft store that comes with the Season Pass as well, though costs a hefty £74.99. In truth you are better off just getting the standard version as none of the collectible stuff is that great.
Verdict: DON'T BUY. Three different special editions but none of them are worth it.

Tales of Zestiria Collectors Edition – PS3/PS4 - £89.99+

Not too sure what is happening with this one. It was certainly announced by Bandai Namco, but has been Sold Out on Shopto since then and the listing on GAME has mysteriously vanished. It would be a shame if this never turned up as the Tales sets or hugely collectible and offer pretty good value for money in general – plus they are actually limited. This one would have come with a steelbook, four mini-figures, hardback artbook, cloth art scroll, anime DVD, CD soundtrack AND some character DLC. A good haul – if it ever sees the light of day – though maybe a touch expensive for non-fans of the series.
Verdict: BUY. Hugely popular and highly collectible, if it ever comes out.

Assassins Creed Syndicate: VARIOUS – ALL - £VARIOUS
There are no less than FIVE different versions of this game, so check the link above to see what you get with each. The top two tiers come with a statue, plus a hip flask with the Ubisoft exclusive variant, along with a bunch of other stuff (artbook, soundtrack, DLC missions etc). If you go all out on the Big Ben edition (£114.99) then you also get the season pass included – but after the balls up with the season pass for Unity last year it might be worthwhile being a touch more conservative. In truth the statues in these sets are amongst some of the better quality ones and the extra features are decent but not mind blowing. The Charing Cross edition (at GAME) is certain to be overstocked and drop in price eventually,
Verdict: DON'T BUY. After the issues with Unity I'd take a wait and see approach this year, though the quality of the sets is often good - so fans can go ahead.

Halo 5 Guardians Collectors Edition – Xbox One - £199.99
A ridiculous price, as the only extra over the Limited Edition (£79.99) is the statue – so you are paying effectively £120 for that alone. Also included are a steelbook, some character files, a small Guardian model and some DLC. The quality of Halo stuff is generally high but it’s telling that this still hasn’t come close to selling out yet despite being on offer for an age. The other downside is the fact you don’t even get a game disc, only a digital download, so you would have to request a disc (which you can do) at the cost of not being able to play the game you paid £200 for on day one. Stupid.
Verdict: DON'T BUY. I'm a HUGE Halo fan and have all the others but the price on this is absurd.

Project Zero: Maiden of Black Water Limited Edition – Wii U - £49.99
Already sold out on the official Nintendo store, so maybe snap this up while you can as the limited Wii U stuff does tend to vanish and never come back into stock. The game itself is a cult favourite and the set has a steelbook, poster, lithographs and art book. It looks pretty nice and the price is only about £10 more than the game so is reasonable value for money.
Verdict: BUY. A cult game, only on Nintendo and selling out fast. A wise investment.

Call of Duty: Black Ops 3 Juggernog Edition – Xbox One/PS4 - £179.99
Already sold out - so clearly the demand for owning your very own Juggernog mini-fridge was greater than anyone could have known. In fairness the set also came with a bunch of coasters in a tin, the season pass for the game, a steelbook, artcards and some other in game DLC. It’s still a hefty price so it will depend on the quality of the fridge I guess (a line I never suspected I would have to write). For those that missed out you can get the Hardened edition for substantially less (about £69.99) but you’ll miss out on the fridge (obviously), coasters and season pass. To be honest the Hardened edition doesn’t offer much over the standard game – so you’d be best just going vanilla and saving another £30.
Verdict: BUY/DON'T BUY. The Juggernog edition seems steep but the extras might be worth it, as the season pass and fridge alone will be decent (and funny). Sold out though, so DON'T buy the Hardened version to replace it as that is vastly overpriced for very little extra.

Fallout 4: Pip Boy Edition – PS4/Xbox One - £99.99
The current Holy Grail of collector’s editions as it sold out in a hot minute everywhere. Comes with a working Pip Boy (well, working when you put a touchscreen phone in there) as well as a Pip Boy guide, stand, steelbook, bobblehead and poster. It’s actually pretty pricey for what it is, but the lure of Fallout is strong and this set is likely to hold its value pretty damn well. For those that missed out on this version you can also get a Fallout Bundle from Amazon for £59.99 that comes with an exclusive soundtrack and hardback book, though that is adding £20+ to the cost of the game alone, so maybe wait for a price drop.
Verdict: BUY. Another that will hold its value and even possibly appreciate but its long gone and eBay prices are madness. The Amazon exclusive version is too expensive as a replacement as well.

Rise of the Tomb Raider Apex Predator Pack – Xbox One - £59.99
Just don’t. GAME seem to have a monopoly on certain special editions but their pricing structure is awful and they generally end up discounting them a few months later. This is a case in point as for £20 more than just the game you only get an, admittedly nice, steelbook and some in game DLC in the form of an outfit, gun and ability. No way is that worth the massive price hike. Steer clear.
Verdict: DON'T BUY. Shockingly high price for pretty much zero extras.

Just Cause 3 – PS4/Xbox One - £67.99
Another Collector’s edition that is far more expensive at GAME and via Square (both £79.99) but at this lower price is not too bad, especially as fans voted for the contents so can’t really complain. You get a replica grappling hook, artbook, map of the islands and some in game DLC – nothing mind blowing really and the grapple is not the best display item, so maybe you still want to hold off for a price drop as this is widely available so will likely plummet fairly rapidly.
Verdict: DON'T BUY. A great game and the grapple is unique, but this is available everywhere so will surely drop in price.


LEGO Dimensions - ALL - £90+


Not a limited edition at all, but one that will set you back even more money than most of the above would combined. Assuming you got all of the add-on packs available through Amazon (starter set, eight level packs and twenty three (23!) fun packs) then it would set you back roughly £655.54 to get it all. THAT IS INSANE. For the same price you could buy every LEGO game currently available and have access to far more characters and worlds - it's your choice. Buy your kids this and then weep as your wallet is bled dry over the coming months. Or buy it for yourself and try and justify the costs as you avoid catching the eye of your reflection in the mirror.

Verdict: DON'T BUY. Unless you want to take out a second mortgage, just play ANY other LEGO game instead.

Friday, August 14, 2015

Actually difficult achievements - I mean GENUINELY difficult. No really.........

Over the years I've seen a bunch of websites and magazines publish lists of what they deem "tough" achievements, and those lists are generally shit. They're shit because the people writing them feel obliged to only use mainstream games like Call of Duty or Gears of War, alternatively they use achievements that actually aren't even that difficult to accomplish.

Here's the thing. Getting Seriously on Gears of War is not difficult - you know why? Because even the worst Gears player can gradually spend hours of their life just chipping away at it. Even if they got one kill a day, they would get that achievement eventually so it doesn't require any real skill, just a time investment. Same is true of a bunch of grindy online tasks. Likewise getting Mile High Club on COD 4 is not hard either, hahahahahaha, if you think it is then I weep for you.

A genuinely tough achievement requires you to be good at a game, but not just good, REALLY BLOODY GOOD. So that is what I'm going to include here. Likewise, I've made the proviso that I would only use one achievement per game as you could probably make an entire list just from Deathsmiles or something similar.

So with all of that in mind here is a list of some ballbreakingly tough achievement tasks that will make grown adults weep and bring low even the mightiest braggart. If you THINK you are some kind of achievement don then perhaps you can give these a go and bloody prove it.


1) Deathsmiles - The True Tyrant - So you fancy yourself a bit of a SHMUP specialist do you? WELL YOU FUCKING AREN'T! At least not until you've hit up Deathsmiles on the MBL game mode at difficulty Level 999, then gone through most of the game without using a single continue, then done the last few stages without LOSING A SINGLE LIFE. All that will just get the boss to appear - THEN YOU HAVE TO BEAT HIM, in what is the most insane display of skill and reflexes known to man/woman/beast. Think you can do this - you're probably wrong.

2) Asteroids Deluxe - Platinum - Oh look, it's an old XBLA arcade game - how hard can that be? Bloody brutal actually as you have to somehow score over 250,000 points on Normal difficulty which sounds simple but is actually harder than Vinnie Jones in his Wimbledon heyday.

3) Cloudberry Kingdom - Shenanigans - What a lovely twee little game this is, full of rainbows and fluffy wonder. How about this achievement then? Oh you just have the simple task of getting through Chapter 7. It's almost natural progression. Did I mention that this includes level 319. Sounds a piece of piss right? I mean the level only takes a minute and has a mere 40 jumps. No problem. WATCH THIS AND WEEP ABOUT YOUR COLLOSSAL HUBRIS YOU IDIOT! (P.S The video shows the A.I accomplishing what no mortal could hope to do)  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bhjG8buiWiI&feature=player_embedded

4) Robotron: 2084 - Wave 100 - Just make it to Wave 100 in default settings in one of THE HARDEST GAMES EVER. I swear that these retro games were added to XBLA just to punish anyone stupid enough to think they could best them. You can't best them, they will best YOU and you will spend a lifetime in therapy recovering.

5) Injustice: Gods Amongst Us - Ultimate Battler - Do you think you're a pro at fighting games? Well here comes Injustice to set you straight. To knock off this "straightforward" achievement you just have to complete all the battle modes. A mere afternoons work right? Well, that's if you have the skill to beat the entire Injustice roster at the highest difficulty without continuing. That's one challenge by the way - now go and do the other 19 sucker.

6) Pinball FX 2 - NEARLY ANY ACHIEVEMENT - Pinball FX has a lot of tables to buy and pretty much all of them are brutally hard. Do you have the skills to get flawless runs on all of the tables to complete the "story modes" locked within them? Doubtful, as even though each table can theoretically be completed in just a few minutes you need to get the perfect streak of bounces, ricochets and point scoring to do everything before you run out of balls. Let's be honest, you never had the balls to tackle Pinball FX in the first place.

7) Chariot - Unbreakable - Hey, it's that game that launched free on Games with Gold. Do you know why it was free? It's because they felt bad about charging you for the mental torture you were about to experience. We're all good at platformers right? So how hard can this be, it's just Mario with a coffin. How about you take those skills and complete the games hidden level without using a single gadget, should take you a few minutes right? Yeah, must be why no bugger can do it. Go hard or go home.

8) Dance Dance Revolution Universe - EXORBITANT cleared - after all those easy games it is time to really work up a sweat, via the medium of dance. What the hell though? Someone only went and made a bunch of impossible achievements here as well. Do you fancy getting flawless clears on songs at 1.5x the usual speed? I don't give a shit if you care, YOU HAVE TO DO IT! This achievement isn't even meant to he hardest set of challenges but the developers are clearly sadists as they sneakily made this one even tougher then the top tier. If you have a spare ten to fifteen minutes then I'm sure you can knock this out of the park.

9) Pier Solar and the Great Architects - That's Slippery - Time for a minigame to soothe those frayed nerves. What do you mean I need a series of perfect button presses over five to ten minutes to get this achievement? WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE IS ONLY ONE CHECKPOINT?! WHY IS THIS EVEN HERE?!!! If you have the reflexes of a cat then this one is for you, if you are a cat then you have no idea what achievements are or the thumbs required to manage a controller.

10) Spider-Man 3 - Gold Medal Winner - How about a quick race? How about 48 of the most ridiculously difficult and nefarious races known to man, all requiring perfect timing with one of the worst control schemes ever? Sure, you could knock these out in an hour if you had the mad skills of a gaming GOD, but the reality is that you will attempt them once - fail spectacularly and then wish you'd never even heard of Arachnid Dude or whatever his stupid ass name is.

11) Michael Jackson: The Experience - NO ONE WANTS TO BE DEFEATED - We haven't had a dance game in a while so how about spending a few minutes getting five stars on Beat It, one of Jackson's best songs. Should be easy right? Unless you take into account the fact the movement recognition on this game is appalling, so much so that you actually have to perform the moves ahead of those on screen to stand any chance. Even then the game might arbitrarily decide that you messed up and make you fail. I doubt even MJ in his prime could pull off the moves required to nail this one. The only Experience this game gives you is one of unrelenting sadness.

12) The War of the Worlds - I Am Arthur Clark - complete the game without dying. Yes, complete this twitchy, annoying, glitchy game in one sitting without a single death. LOL. Expect to rage quit long before this becomes even remotely viable - you suck.

13) Child of Eden - Fireworks from Heaven - SHMUP games are notoriously hard and Kinect games are notoriously tricky to control with any subtlety, so why not COMBINE THE TWO INTO ONE UNGODLY MASHUP?! (I'm assuming whoever thought this was a good idea was drunk/high/insane). So now you have to do an almost flawless run of one of the games levels, on Hard, using the bloody Kinect to get things done. We're all praying for you.

14) Rock Band 3 - Is This Just Fantasy? - Time for a bit of singing, I mean it's only one song. Oh, but you have to have three people all singing together to get ALL the triple awesome ratings on Bohemian Rhapsody, if even one of you messes up then you have to redo the whole thing again and again. Probably sucks that the song is so long now, huh? Shh, shh, shh, don't cry - it'll be alright.

15) Gunstringer - Undead and Untouchable - Beat Play 4 Act 4 without getting hit, which would be fine if you didn't have to steer your pesky string man through a series of nefarious obstacles while shooting down a bunch of dastardly types needing split second reactions to do both. I'm starting to think the Kinect was designed purely as a way to make annoying achievements even harder and to have you tear the hair from your head in frustration. Leading to a life time of wig related expenses. Maybe Kinect was part funded by a wig company, did you ever consider that? You did now.

16) Missile Command - General - This is the last of those ancient XBLA games I will put on here, I swear. For this doozy you just have to score 50,000 points on Classic mode, which requires the usual dose of practice, dedication and the patience of at least ten saints. Assuming you manage all of that then you might stand a chance. It's doubtful though, as you probably suck and this game will mock you for the rest of your days.

17) Triggerheart Exelica - Perfect Play - Oh look, it's another SHMUP that requires you to complete the entire game without dying even once. I mean bullet hell games like this are so easy that it should be a massive stroll really, you can probably do this with one hand tied behind your back, while simultaneously running from a T-Rex and also knocking out one of the other achievements on this list on a second console strapped to your leg. That's how easy this probably is. (Give it up, YOU JUST CAN'T DO THIS ONE).

18) Guitar Hero 3 - Living Legends - If you are a total don with a plastic guitar in hand, then all you need to do is find someone else as awesome as you are and get them to help you Five Star all Co-op songs on Expert. Should only take you an hour or so due to your mad skills right? Oh, one small proviso - only player one will get the achievement, so if your buddy wants the achievement too then you have to do the whole thing TWICE. What a crock of shit, right?

19) Earthworm Jim HD - Superhero! - Nostalgia is a funny thing, we all remember how kooky this game was back in the day but forget how bloody hard it was. Not to worry though as there is an achievement for that, all you have to do is get through the whole game in under 50 minutes. Think you have the stones for this? Well I think you're probably as spineless and weak as the titular character (without his suit). Feel free to prove me wrong.

20) Metal Slug 3 - All Cleared Without Continue - Well the name says it all, just breeze through a sidescrolling platform/shooter that is known for its absurd difficulty without continuing. How about the try and beat the game at ALL first, then think about the skills required to do this achievement and then go ahead and play something else that will not make you look weak and feeble. You'll thank me.

21) Trials Evolution - Wail of the Banshee - You could probably put a bunch of achievements from any of the Trials games in here, but I went with this one because I'm a bastard. All you have to do is complete one tournament, Hard as Nails, with ZERO faults using the Banshee. I mean this one is so easy I'm practically giving it away here. Alternatively you'll rack up a million faults on the first section and throw me some serious shade. One of those is accurate.

22) Moto GP 08 - Legend - Win a title on the hardest difficulty with simulation handling and manual transmission. The Moto GP games handle like dogs even on the easiest difficulty, so try upping the ante and take it on like the pros and see how well you do. I'll be over here with a stack of bandages for the approximately one BILLION times you go flying over the handlebars and fail spectacularly.

23) The Beatles: Rock Band - I Got Blisters On My Fingers! - Playing the drums in Rock Band is probably harder than learning the actual drums. Assuming you don't break your plastic gear in the first five seconds, then you need to get 100% notes hit on the Expert version of Helter Skelter. Even bloody Ringo himself isn't up for this. Don't believe me? Just ask him, he told me to fuck right off.

24) Catherine - A God is Born! - Complete the final stage of Babel which is the ludicrous, randomly generated, puzzle tower of doom that you can attempt if you are a Catherine demi-god. Feel free to play it in co-op to make this easier (ha ha) as then you ONLY need to get 160 steps to win. Will you make that many steps? I suspect there is more chance of you being crushed under the games many blocks for lacking the awesome puzzling skills needed to succeed.

25) Hexic HD - Grand Pearl Poo Bah - The game that originally came free with every Xbox 360, so you really should have completed it by now. For this paltry challenge you just need to create a six pearl flower. You need to make a ring of six matching colours to make ONE star, then you need to make a ring of SIX stars to make ONE pearl, then you need to make a ring of those pearls to be done. I mean how easy is that? Other than the random nature of the colours, the incoming bombs and all the rest. Still, this should take you half an hour tops. Get to it.

I'm going to assume that most of you will be totally up for checking off the simple challenges on this list in a couple of days of downtime, so just let me know when you're done and I'll put your name up on the Hall of Fame with all the other LIARS AND CHEATS who couldn't do any of the above.

Now go out and buy Avatar for that nice easy 1,000g and hide your head in shame.